Of late this question keeps popping into my brain.
Is mum just a channel for you to arrive in this cold heartless world?
Is mum just a milk cow giving you the much needed nutrients during the early months of your life?
Is mum just another pair of hands to keep you clean when you dirty yourself?
Is mum just an ATM when you need cash for all wants and needs?
Is mum just a dummy for you to vent your anger and frustration?
I’ve seen closely knitted mums and children who bring a tingling warm feeling to my heart when I see how close they are… but, I’ve seen more mums and children who are at loggerheads with each other… this is the cold truth that I believe many refuse to face..
In my life, there appear a mum that in the bid of trying to grab her kids attention, she ended up messing the whole family up, sowing discord unintentionally and at times naively. She is the cause to many disputes among her own kids. She has got 5 children, but none are staying with her. If you ask me, it is not that they don’t love her. Some do, some don’t and I suspect 1 even hates her. Most of her kids can’t afford to maintain her, not that she is a big spender, but the fact that they are doing odd jobs with low income and have their own family to care for, they are left with not much to support her. But still, she gets by. She is not starving, except for a little more attention from each of her kid and maybe even grandkids…
It’s a sad state, why does a 80 yo needs to drama before her kids can give her some attention. On the other hand, why must the 80 yo perform adverse drama and add stress to the already stressful lifes of her kids. Unknowingly, she is actually pushing them away rather than drawing them back to her. Along the way, someone gets caught in the middle. She thinks she has a clear picture but sometimes she thinks she has a clouded mind. All the kids starts pushing their mother to this person not knowing or refuse to acknowledge that what their mum need is not this person but their each and individual love and concern. There is only this much this person can do, physically, emotionally and financially. The mum just want her 5 kids to be united and behave as 1 and appear before her.
This mum needs to go for an op. The first reaction of 2 of the kids is : I can’t decide for her whether she can go for op, I cannot take the responsibilty if something goes wrong, the rest will blame me. Why this kind of mentality? Why always talk about blame? Where has the heart gone to? Can someone feel the pain that this mum is going through, both the physical and the emotional pain.
I am really heartbroken to see things coming to this dire state. I thought to myself, will I ever put my 2 sons in such a situation? I hope not. I am not in the best position to criticise these 5, cos I myself, is not in harmony with my own mum.
Is it really so difficult to be a caring, loving and forgiving mum? or should we look at things from the other perspective? Is it really so difficult to be a caring, loving and forgiving child? Can’t the child/children be more accomodating towards their parents for having gone through so much to bring them to this world, by providing them all the needs and wants till their wings are strong enough to take off on their own? I’m sure the parents would have showered lots of love on their children when they are young, just like how I love my 2 kids and just like how I put in certain efforts to do things for my 2 kids now? Will there be 1 day, my 2 kids starts to hate me and try to stay away from me? I can’t tell as my own are still very young.
Aside from asking myself what’s the value of a mum, I guess I should also ponder what’s the value of the kids to the parents? Relationships are getting more transactional nowadays. Aren’t you guilty of soliciting for love and results from your own kid? Especially those who have really young ones at home? e.g Give mummy a kiss and mummy will give u a candy? Can I have a hug? You wanna watch cartoon? Ok, do this first? I’ll put up both my hands high and admit I’m guilty. I know this method is not quite right, but seriously, at this time, when everyone are spoilt for choices, everything seems to become transactional, even parental love… Sad state but it’s cold hard truth….
So what’s my value? As a mum, a daughter and a grandchild? I’m ashame to say I got no definite, strong and objective answer to my own question…
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