Archive for the ‘Parenting’ Category

Of  late this question keeps popping into my brain. 

Is mum just a channel for you to arrive in this cold heartless world? 

Is mum just a milk cow giving you the much needed nutrients during the early months of your life? 

Is mum just another pair of hands to keep you clean when you dirty yourself?

Is mum just an ATM when you need cash for all wants and needs?

Is mum just a dummy for you to vent your anger and frustration?

I’ve seen closely knitted mums and children who bring a tingling warm feeling to my heart when I see how close they are… but, I’ve seen more mums and children who are at loggerheads with each other… this is the cold truth that I believe many refuse to face..

In my life, there appear a mum that in the bid of trying to grab her kids attention, she ended up messing the whole family up, sowing discord unintentionally and at times naively.  She is the cause to many disputes among her own kids.  She has got 5 children, but none are staying with her.  If you ask me, it is not that they don’t love her.  Some do, some don’t and I suspect 1 even hates her. Most of her kids can’t afford to maintain her, not that she is a big spender, but the fact that they are doing odd jobs with low income and have their own family to care for, they are left with not much to support her.  But still, she gets by.  She is not starving, except for a little more attention from each of her kid and maybe even grandkids…

It’s a sad state, why does a 80 yo needs to drama before her kids can give her some attention.  On the other hand, why must the 80 yo perform adverse drama and add stress to the already stressful lifes of her kids.  Unknowingly, she is actually pushing them away rather than drawing them back to her.  Along the way, someone gets caught in the middle.  She thinks she has a clear picture but sometimes she thinks she has a clouded mind.  All the kids starts pushing their mother to this person not knowing or refuse to acknowledge that what their mum need is not this person but their each and individual love and concern.  There is only this much this person can do, physically, emotionally and financially.  The mum just want her 5 kids to be united and behave as 1 and appear before her. 

This mum needs to go for an op.  The first reaction of 2 of the kids is : I can’t decide for her whether she can go for op, I cannot take the responsibilty if something goes wrong, the rest will blame me.  Why this kind of mentality?  Why always talk about blame?  Where has the heart gone to?  Can someone feel the pain that this mum is going through,  both the physical and the emotional pain. 

I am really heartbroken to see things coming to this dire state.  I thought to myself, will I ever put my 2 sons in such a situation? I hope not.  I am not in the best position to criticise these 5, cos I myself, is not in harmony with my own mum.

Is it really so difficult to be a caring, loving and forgiving mum?  or should we look at things from the other perspective?  Is it really so difficult to be a caring, loving and forgiving child?  Can’t the child/children be more accomodating towards their parents for having gone through so much to bring them to this world, by providing them all the needs and wants till their wings are strong enough to take off on their own?  I’m sure the parents would have showered lots of love on their children when they are young, just like how I love my 2 kids and just like how I put in certain efforts to do things for my 2 kids now?  Will there be 1 day, my 2 kids starts to hate me and try to stay away from me?  I can’t tell as my own are still very young.

Aside from asking myself what’s the value of a mum, I guess I should also ponder what’s the value of the kids to the parents?  Relationships are getting more transactional nowadays.  Aren’t you guilty of soliciting for love and results from your own kid?  Especially those who have really young ones at home?  e.g  Give mummy a kiss and mummy will give u a candy?  Can I have a hug?  You wanna watch cartoon? Ok, do this first?  I’ll put up both my hands high and admit I’m guilty.  I know this method is not quite right, but seriously, at this time, when everyone are spoilt for choices, everything seems to become transactional, even parental love… Sad state but it’s cold hard truth….

So what’s my value? As a mum, a daughter and a grandchild?  I’m ashame to say I got no definite, strong and objective answer to my own question…


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Last Thursday, right before bed time, Declan ask for a piece of paper so that he can make a heart shape card for me.  As I was busy thinking through some reno stuffs, I sent him to the dad to get help.  The dad, cut out the heart shape for him and he started colouring the whole piece of paper read.  Afterwhich he passed it to me.  awwwww… how sweet.  I told him I’ll put this piece of red heart on my notice board in the office when I get back to office.  I forgot to bring it to office on Friday :p

Friday, after we got home, he annouced :” Mummy I got a surprise for you in my bag.”  He dugged into his bag and took out a big heart shape bookmark.

Another school lead project haha.  His handwritting was wobbly but it was really good effort on his part.  Sis in law was there when he presented this card to me.  She jokingly poke fun at him :” How come 姑姑 don’t have??”  Guess what??  He ran into the room and took the red heart he gave to me previously and presented it to his 姑姑 and he insisted her to keep the card.  I “lost 1 heart” wor hhahahah but his boy is indeed generous.  It’s fine 🙂  my first born got a big heart.  Big heart and big love to share with all.

Saturday morning, the dad herded both boys into the room to wake me up and to give me a peck on the cheek each.  (hmmm did he mistakenly tot that mother’s day was last saturday??? *shrugs*).   The dad brought me for a Mother’s Day buffet lunch at Merchant Court Hotel.  Mum and Sis in law came along too.  Food was good.

Unfortunately, I came back from the buffet with a polka dot baby…  Kenji developed some allergy.  I guess must be one of the seafood that we gave him.  Either prawn, crayfish or crab…  He is recovering well though, nothing too threatening.

Just a recap :

My 2008 Mother’s Day card from Declan https://mamaseah.wordpress.com/2008/05/13/my-mothers-day/

Not sure what happen in 2007, no post :p  can’t remember too.

MY 2006 Mother’s Day card from Declan as well https://mamaseah.wordpress.com/2006/05/13/happy-mothers-day/

The 2009 card is now hanging proudly on the notice board behind my office desk. 

I think it looks pretty lonely up there on my bare notice board.  I’ll try to dress it up a little, maybe ask my little devil to make more handicrafts or drawings for me to put them up as well.

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Bossy Son!

Declan just stormed in and in a naggy tone said : “mummy! your bag anyhow put and didi go and pull out all your things in the bag.. don’t know how to keep your things properly!”  then *piak*, smacked me on my butt, threw my bag on the bed (I was sprawled on the bed surfing the web) and walked off.

hey!  whose the parent here??

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In my last post, I mentioned that I planned to bring him to my office on Saturday mornings so that I can coach him a little on his writings as well as reading.  We started off the first session last Saturday and I must say the effort was worth it.

I should have done this long ago.  We are currently squeezing in with Mil and it is practically impossible to get any decent work done in the cluttered and noisy environment.  At home, there are plenty of distractions that will lured him away from his work.  The TV, the people walking around, the didi crawling around at his legs and trying to steal his pencils, the toys, the games etc etc.

At the office, all the distractions are taken out.  It helps that we are being given rooms and thus he don’t have a big space to awe at and be busybody.   This boy is very KPO, when he went to my ex office, he’ll be running around and getting curious over stuffs that are placed on other colleagues’ desk and too bad for him, the mummy’s desk got nothing interesting for him to play with. 

Thus, when there’s nothing else he could meddle with, he went back to practice his writing and so coincendentally, I got an extra computer desk thrown to me by my boss.  Just nice for him.

The end results?

He  finally got all his numbers from 1-10 the correct side.  Ok I know he miss out 12.  However, comparing this piece of work to his last piece, he had made vast improvement.  I’ll go through with him the next 10 digits in our next session.  To encourage him, I also awarded him stars on the works that I thought he did pretty decently.  If I stinge on the stars, he’ll question me, asking :” Is that all? So few?”  hahahah

We spent nearly 2 hours at the office.  Other than writing, I got him to go through with me the rhymes that he did in school and he didn’t forget to spend some time doodling on the white board.

I was asking him how come his fish got hair and he went :” Mummy that is a whale.. not fish.” ooohhhh bad eye sight on my part :p

I’ll try to stick to this new saturday morning routine as strictly as I can as I also enjoyed the bonding time between just the 2 of us.

I got 2 good news to share.  1)  His yahama junior programme will start this Friday evening and he is very excited about it.  He’s been waiting for it. 2) He’s been promoted to Pre Reading Programme at I Can Read! He started with the creative thinking class which is for beginner to familiarise with all the alphabets sounds first.  Unfortunately all the PRP classes are full… we are not the waiting list…

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Time to work harder?

I was doing bed time reading with Declan yesterday and was a little worried when I realised this boy, who is in K1 this year, can’t count past 13… after 13, he’ll sometimes get it right sometimes get it wrong and he always miss out 15.

The book we were reading was about numbers.  When I point to the digit 12 he read twenty, when I point to digit 9 he read six. When I point to digit 15 he went blank….  So we ended our reading session and I took a paper and pen for him to write number 1-10 for me.  This was what he produced.

Should I be worried?  Frankly I was and still am.  I asked him what has he been doing in school? What had the teacher taught him? Was he paying attention? etc etc.  Afterwhich, I thought why was it only about him and the teacher?  I should also ask myself, was it due to the lack of supervision at home?  I concluded, it was probably due to the lack of supervision at home.. So it’s me lah… 

I prefer to give the kid freedom to choose his activities, but I guess I need to tighten that freedom a little now, looking at how badly he is doing at his numbers.  Thus he’ll be going to office with me every Saturday from now onwards for me to coach him a little on his handwriting and number recognition.  Afterwhich he could proceed with his choice of activities as usual.

I tested his alphabets and chinese as well.  Not too bad for both, though not fantastic and I think there’s alot more room for improvement.  I think I’ve put too much emphasize on his language and neglected the numbers.

I forsee, I’ll have to put in alot of effort and time to guide this boy when he goes to Primary school…. I am dreading it already….

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On Wednesday afternoon, teacher called to informed me that Declan was injured.  My heart sank when I heard that.  Teacher went on to explain to me how the incident happened.  Apparently he got too close to the seesaw, when his friends were playing with it and when 1 side came down, he didn’t manage to dodge in time and the board hit him on the nose.  Teacher assured me that the injury need not be checked by a doctor and she had disinfected the wound and applied medication for him.

At the end of the day, when I went to pick him up, this was the sight that greeted me. 


I was seldom emotional but when I saw him I almost could not take it.  I asked whether he was ok and he kept re-assuring me that it was not painful and he was alright.  Apparently the brave boy didn’t shed a single tear throughout the whole ordeal.  So proud of him.

Having said that, I guessed the incident was pretty traumatizing for him.  Usually when I picked him up, he would be all chirpy and chatty and would yakked throughout the journey back to mil’s place.  However that day, he was all quiet and would only uttered a word here and there when I tried to strike up a conversation with him.

He could even posed for me when I asked whether he wanted to take a picture. 


 That’s him.  Always positive and hardy.  I felt so much better when I saw that he was taking it very well.

Here’s a closer peek on the wound.

It was a painful lesson for him.  I don’t blame the teachers.  Kids are kids.  At K1, he should know what is safe and what is not.  Probably, this incident was caused by bad judgement on his part.  He grew, he hurt himself , he learnt from it and he continued to grow.  To me this is just part and parcel of a life cycle.  He took it bravely, so I should as well.

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Yesterday, Dec keeps repeating :”我长大了!”  Teacher must have instill this thought into the K1 kids.  I do agree that he has indeed grew up quite a bit over the last few months.  We’ve both noticed that he had grown more sensible.  He knows he is a big kid now.

He used to lug his blankie around wherever he went, be it to the shopping centres, to ah ma’s house, to school, to restaurant etc.  No one can coax him to leave his blankie behind.  Since Day 2 of K1, after teacher told him that now he is a big boy, he should stop bringing his blankie to school.  Miraculously, he handed over his blankie to me at the school door.  Well done my boy!  I still allow him to bring it out of the house and into the car daily, but once he leaves the car, the blankie will stay in the car.

His former after school routine is, ask for milk, avoid dinner as much as possible, nag at him to bathe when we reach home.  Since 2 days ago, I managed to get him to correct the above bad habit.  We started the first day of new after school routine with a trip to the playground, back at ah ma’s house, bathe, eat dinner followed by a serving of milk.  Yesterday, as we were a little late, he was okay to skip the playground, when we reached ah ma’s house, I said dinner first and he went :” no I want to be like yesterday, bathe first then I eat!”  I was more than happy to obliged.  The only thing was he insisted he wanna bathe himself….. I let him be.

One thing about him is, he still need to be spoon fed most of the time.  He got bad eating habits.  But I can see that he is putting in effort to correct himself.  He’s stopped running in and out of Bro in law’s room to watch channel 34 while eating his dinner, simply because the SCV console is down.  He has attempted to self feed himself but often we got too impatient and end up feeding him.  Guessed we gotta be more patient in order to help him along.

In the morning, it used to be a tussle with him.  Alot of days, he skipped brushing his teeth (i know.. yucky…) because we simply couldn’t wake him up… and the dad would have to carry him all the way right to the door of the school.  Since starting K1, it’s no longer so difficult to wake him up.  He’ll wake up after a few shakes, brushed his teeth, put on his uniform (sometimes with help, sometimes without), catch another few winks while waiting for me to be ready and when we are all ready to go, urged him to wake up and he’ll walk to the living room and put on his shoes.  No need to carry him all the way anymore!!!  Yeah! 

That’s 2 of the latest pic which I took of him.  All grown up already hor?

Now comes the little baby.  He is no longer as little and oblivious as he used to be too!  He knows how to express his displeasure now!  He’s learnt the “art” of frowning and making sounds of disapproval when he is not happy. hahahah.  If you ask me, I find it pretty cute.  He’s learnt the pleasure of playing with a rubber ball.

That’s him playing with the soft ball.

He is also showing sign of hogging and snatching toys.  Yesterday the 2 were subtlely fighting over a hardcover book.  Dec got to it first and was flipping through the pages, when Kenji, crawled over and decided to “choop” the book by placing both hands in the centre of the pages and pressing it down to the floor.  Dec refused to let go, Kenji refused to let go too and he started snaring at the elder brother. hahahaha.  He’s no longer the weakling that let the elder brother push him over.  Guess I’ve got to brace myself for more of such struggles.  Fortunately, Dec got a big heart, he’ll usually give in to his little brother with grumblings of course.

他们又长大了一些!!! so fast!!!  way too fast for my liking!!


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